Testify to Love

I just knew why God gives me so many options after struggled in my prayer that possible, is because He wants to test my heart. How big my desire and how serious I'm on it. He wants me to focus on His will where my heart goes. Well, now I'm flowing and wait till the next sign. Stop playing around. Gotta pray more and ask God what is the best choice to be chosen. Kalo dipikir-pikir, why I must be afraid? if it is from God that everything gonna be okay. I will feel no doubt! All right, my story will be continue ;)

By the way, I'm now in Beijing and I was capture a picture: " Gereja Tua Gue Gak Tau Namanya" cos I didn't get any info about this old church when I passed by in a hurry. I love it and the sky, and I miss my SLR!

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Have u pray to God? What were u asking for? Has God answered it? or maybe He was silent?
How if God answered it in a difficult way for u to do? or choose? or decide?
I'm doing so. My God, is a rich God. He has anything everything abundantly. That's why He answered my prayer in so many ways, and... and... I don't know what to choose, what to decide, what is the best!!!! Maybe I'm just too afraid of making mistakes. I'm not sure about my life ahead IF I must decide this quickly. I wish I could flow and only flow without have to decide something let God decide it for me. I'm feeling bad to God, cause when He provided my needs I'm postponing to fulfill it myself. I'm hiding.
Sometimes, or maybe anytime, God asks for a sacrifice. And actually, YES, I'm able to do that, sometimes, I just too compromise. How how how.. I'm not ready for that sacrifice. Huwaaaaa....
But I believe, my God is a faithful God, He'll never fail me. YES HE IS! never never fail me, lalalalalalala~
Let see what'll happen next!

"I believe, above all the others....."

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

It's been a long long time didn't drop by here to leave some writings. I admit I was being very busy and too lazy to write cos it was too much things around to be shared ;p

After months, I'm still feeling it's not easy to be ME, otherwise I'm grateful for what God had given to me so far. After all I know that He is everything beyond my thought. Have u ever knew about this quotation:

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." Mother Teresa

Yeah, I just wish that God didn't trust me that much. Sometime I feel like to giving up either with my life or people's life, I wanna live my life like other people do. But, it is God, who made me able to keep standing still after times I have felt. I'm so so grateful.

I've gone through a lot of things lately, and at the end of the day I found no other feeling beside grateful in my heart. I have saw people stuck with their problems, end up with bad things for their life. Made me thinking, made me wondering WHY they could think like that while I never did so? and the answer only cos I have Jesus in my life. I have a different view in my life, above all else I have a BIGGER GOD than every problem in my life, bigger than anything else in this world. With Him, your life will not be the same and THAT'S RIGHT!!!

There will be a time when you're feeling difficult, or facing the hardest times of your life, just believe that there is also a time when you'll look back at it and you just laugh cos Jesus make everything beautiful in a perfect time. Keep pushing forward!

So, if it's you, hey brother and sister, who already have Jesus in your life, you are now in the right path of the way and don't stop being grateful to Him cos everything good if you're depending to Him! =)

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

I chose not to keep it by my own after I struggled it in my pray. Once I tried to share it, I feel reliefed. God knows what is the best for me to do.
I am so blessed. I'm so grateful. Everything that I have been struggling in just replied by God.

I thank God for I met the people of God who loves me so much like I love them as well.

I chose not to spend my last days here with my sick thoughts but to heal it by enjoying it together with them. Every minutes are precious, I worth it all.

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

One hour passed since the first time I opened my eyes and it's still dawn in the morning. Nobody's waking up. No one I can talk to. I'm not in the good condition. Feel like living between two world. Body and soul saparated. Lord, I'm hurt.

This is the first time I feel hopeless. I need rest. I wish I could give up or making some postpones?
I want to take a break of this story. Lord, I need You.

I'm so afraid to lose and to loose somebody. God strengthen me.

Again and again, everyday, I want to cry.
I wish to turn the time slowly or faster. To passed these days of difficult.

I know it just about the mindset. I must overcome my mind, in fact, I hardly make it. That's why I feel pain.

Lord I don't want this anymore. I can't stand on this any longer. Lord help me. I'm sick in my thoughts. Heal me.

I pray for today onwards to be good and even better. Put the joy and happiness in my heart in my mind. To keep on positive for the days to come.

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Pengen cepet cepet balik Indo aja.
Pengen cepet cepet ninggalin singapur.
Pengen cepet cepet putarin waktu kedepan.
Pengen cepet cepet lewatin masa masa ini.

Tuhan, rasanya gebi ga kuat.
Ga kuat ninggalin keluarga disini.
Ga kuat.
Ga kuat.
Ga kuat.

Pengen nangis. Pengen nangis.
Ga kuat.
Ga kuat.
Ga kuat.

Biar Tuhan yg kuatin gebi lebih dan lebih lagi.
Biar Tuhan aja.
Kuatin dan
Kuatin dan
Kuating gebi.
Buat ngobatin luka gebi, ngasih penghiburan sorgawi.

Tuhan kuatin gebi.

Gebi minta kekuatan.
Gebi minta penghiburan.
Gebi minta hikmat bijaksana.

Dan
Gebi mau bersyukur buat semuanya.
Semuanya!
Yang udah dikasih Tuhan.
Bekal bekalnya.
Karunia karunianya.
Berkat berkatnya.

Sampai hari ini, gebi bersyukur untuk apapun juga.
Bersyukur ketika gebi diutus.
Bersyukur atas kepercayaan Tuhan.
Bersyukur atas rencana indah Nya.

Gebi cuma minta kekuatan buat pikul salib gebi.
Terima kasih Tuhan.

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

It has been a month I skip blogging. I want you guys to know that many things happened. I've gone through a lot of pressuring time. There are times when I was really struggling with my life and hard to take the biggest decission of it. It was tiring and painful. But always one thing for sure: God is good in all the time.

It just about the timing. When it comes to the perfect time then it'll be so beautiful. Things just came to past.

God's plan always the best.

No matter how hard we tried, how perfect we planned, how good our effort, God's plans always be done. Then we learnt how to surrender to God.

Now I'm on the zero stage of my life. When He took all of the pleasures of my life, and feeling so hopeless, no future ahead, must letting go things I love and especially the people, I feel beaten by this world and overcame by my surroundings till I feel want to give up and very disappointed with Him, I want to scream as loud as I could, jumping, shouting, crying, anything! Yet I feel nothing. But then I'm thinking to have a mental of champion (1 Cor 10:13); to keep on believing for a great future ahead (yer 29:11) that He has provided me things I've asked in the right time.
I remember the time He said, "Bahwa rancanganKu bukan rancanganmu, itu adalah rancanganKu atasmu dan bukan atas orang lain."

Even when it's painful, I chose to trust God wholeheartedly cause when He turns you down means He will lift you up even higher than where you are now, if you keep on holding His promises. And always do that based on love (1 Cor 13).

I'm on the way to the glory of my God my YAHWEH. I love it! =)

• 
• 
• 
• 
•