Testify to Love

I chose not to keep it by my own after I struggled it in my pray. Once I tried to share it, I feel reliefed. God knows what is the best for me to do.
I am so blessed. I'm so grateful. Everything that I have been struggling in just replied by God.

I thank God for I met the people of God who loves me so much like I love them as well.

I chose not to spend my last days here with my sick thoughts but to heal it by enjoying it together with them. Every minutes are precious, I worth it all.

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One hour passed since the first time I opened my eyes and it's still dawn in the morning. Nobody's waking up. No one I can talk to. I'm not in the good condition. Feel like living between two world. Body and soul saparated. Lord, I'm hurt.

This is the first time I feel hopeless. I need rest. I wish I could give up or making some postpones?
I want to take a break of this story. Lord, I need You.

I'm so afraid to lose and to loose somebody. God strengthen me.

Again and again, everyday, I want to cry.
I wish to turn the time slowly or faster. To passed these days of difficult.

I know it just about the mindset. I must overcome my mind, in fact, I hardly make it. That's why I feel pain.

Lord I don't want this anymore. I can't stand on this any longer. Lord help me. I'm sick in my thoughts. Heal me.

I pray for today onwards to be good and even better. Put the joy and happiness in my heart in my mind. To keep on positive for the days to come.

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Pengen cepet cepet balik Indo aja.
Pengen cepet cepet ninggalin singapur.
Pengen cepet cepet putarin waktu kedepan.
Pengen cepet cepet lewatin masa masa ini.

Tuhan, rasanya gebi ga kuat.
Ga kuat ninggalin keluarga disini.
Ga kuat.
Ga kuat.
Ga kuat.

Pengen nangis. Pengen nangis.
Ga kuat.
Ga kuat.
Ga kuat.

Biar Tuhan yg kuatin gebi lebih dan lebih lagi.
Biar Tuhan aja.
Kuatin dan
Kuatin dan
Kuating gebi.
Buat ngobatin luka gebi, ngasih penghiburan sorgawi.

Tuhan kuatin gebi.

Gebi minta kekuatan.
Gebi minta penghiburan.
Gebi minta hikmat bijaksana.

Dan
Gebi mau bersyukur buat semuanya.
Semuanya!
Yang udah dikasih Tuhan.
Bekal bekalnya.
Karunia karunianya.
Berkat berkatnya.

Sampai hari ini, gebi bersyukur untuk apapun juga.
Bersyukur ketika gebi diutus.
Bersyukur atas kepercayaan Tuhan.
Bersyukur atas rencana indah Nya.

Gebi cuma minta kekuatan buat pikul salib gebi.
Terima kasih Tuhan.

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It has been a month I skip blogging. I want you guys to know that many things happened. I've gone through a lot of pressuring time. There are times when I was really struggling with my life and hard to take the biggest decission of it. It was tiring and painful. But always one thing for sure: God is good in all the time.

It just about the timing. When it comes to the perfect time then it'll be so beautiful. Things just came to past.

God's plan always the best.

No matter how hard we tried, how perfect we planned, how good our effort, God's plans always be done. Then we learnt how to surrender to God.

Now I'm on the zero stage of my life. When He took all of the pleasures of my life, and feeling so hopeless, no future ahead, must letting go things I love and especially the people, I feel beaten by this world and overcame by my surroundings till I feel want to give up and very disappointed with Him, I want to scream as loud as I could, jumping, shouting, crying, anything! Yet I feel nothing. But then I'm thinking to have a mental of champion (1 Cor 10:13); to keep on believing for a great future ahead (yer 29:11) that He has provided me things I've asked in the right time.
I remember the time He said, "Bahwa rancanganKu bukan rancanganmu, itu adalah rancanganKu atasmu dan bukan atas orang lain."

Even when it's painful, I chose to trust God wholeheartedly cause when He turns you down means He will lift you up even higher than where you are now, if you keep on holding His promises. And always do that based on love (1 Cor 13).

I'm on the way to the glory of my God my YAHWEH. I love it! =)

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