Testify to Love

Tuhan itu beneran baik, harga mati lho peeps. He knows, He really knows the time when you are needing the most. He knows exactly it is.
Jadi hari minggu kemaren gw bener2 ngalamin Tuhan super dasyat, and it still continues today and I believe it's gonna be a great week.
Jadi abis beberapa hari ini uda rasanya sakit sampe ke sumsum tulang, Tuhan ngasih penghiburan yang bener2 bikin sukacita ga abis2. Kalo nyampe kemaren my tears still pour down (gw jujur aja) abis ketemu Tuhan and surrender semua2nya, no more tears of broken heart lho :p yah, walopun masih sesek aja kalo diinget, rasanya masih belom rela (ternyata gw belon bisa sih) eh tapi abis itu dikasih jaminan kok ama Tuhan. Kata Tuhan "hakuna matata" karena Tuhan udah siapin rencana indah di depan, di luar sana uda banyak yang nunggu, so I'm not gonna stuck here. I believe this is my process to the next level, mematikan kedagingan, walopun mengorbankan rasa sekalipun. Padahal waktu itu gw mikirnya dia itu bener2 uda dari Tuhan lho, cos gw uda minta tanda kok and he was appeared in my dream. Tapi ya, rencana kita bukan rencana Tuhan, yaitu rancangan damai sejahtera dan bukan kecelakaan, ikut aja kemana Tuhan bawa. Hehe dan tentunya pake hikmat. Barusan ini aja, Tuhan uda ngetes, dan Tuhan tau bener deh, ckckck, emang akhirnya muncul orang2 yang ngasih perhatian khusus lah, ngirim2 text encouragement, ngajakin sana sini supaya katanya ga sedih lagi, even they refuse me to deactivated my fb acc (emang sih gw pikir juga sebenarnya ga guna haha) tapi ya, it's all my choice, dan gw sadar Tuhan lagi ngetes, emang banyak yang disiapin dan tinggal dipilih, gampang kok, tapi gw tau bukan itu yang Tuhan mau. Bukan gitu caranya ngelupain. Jadi ini bener2 murni harus dilawan dari dalam diri sendiri, ngelupain perasaan ini bukan dengan cara dapet gantinya dengan cepet, ato curhat sana sini ga jelas, tapi bener2 harus dari dalam diri sendiri. Gw yakin gw bisa. Tuhan support kok, dan dimata Tuhan aku masih sangat berharga, dan ini menjadi pelajaran yang sangat berharga. Bersyukur deh, umur masih 19 uda mulai dididik Tuhan, dan gw berharap kedepannya gw uda mateng buat great things yang uda disiapin Tuhan. Huwaaa, bener2 seneng, ada sukacita dan penghiburan. Tuhan bener2 baik, dan super mantap berkarya dalam hidup gw.

Ehh, oh ya, pastor Kong mau dateng lhooo, dan thank God gw terlibat, cant wait to see all of them here. Mudah2an semuanya lancar dan bisa ngobrol2 dikit sama mereka (hopefully!!!) Tuhan dahsyat dehh :DD

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" Keindahan hidup tidak tergantung seberapa bahagianya hidupmu didunia ini, tapi seberapa bahagianya orang lain karena dirimu. "

Thank you for send me this :)

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Enaknya nulis apa ya hari ini? hehe kalo ikut mood ntar jadi melo-meloan lagi nulisnya.
Tapi emang sangat disesalkan kenapa harus jadi seperti ini. Dipikir dengan kepala dingin pun, hati tetep sakit =,= Bener-bener deh butuh Tuhan banget, cos sharing ke orang tetep rasanya gitu2 aja. Hehehe. Kalo dipikir-pikir, kenapa ya kali ini rasanya susah bener. Sebelum2nya pacaran kok ok2 aja, bisa last bertaon2 then putus jg bisa bae2 malah ampe pernah jadian lagi (malah sekarang dideketin lagi =_=) hahaha kenapa skarang jadi susah begene. Apa mungkin karena komunikasi kurang terbuka kali yaa..kalo yang dulu bisa berantem dan baikan in 1 hour time, hmm..knp yang sekarang ga bisa ya..heran deh..mungkin iya gw salah, tapi menurut gw dia juga salah. Dan herannya kenapa dihubungan sebelumnya bisa dua2nya ngalah, yg sekarang malah ga ada yg mau ngalah -_- Duhh,, heran deh apa karena efek kelamaan single then jadi agak kaku lagi pas ngejalanin, hehe pastinya ga sih.. ^^"
Yah tapi mungkin emang kurang cocok aja ato karna masing2 juga kurang punya pandangan yg dewasa ngejalanin hubungan ini jadi emang uda ga bisa dipertahankan lagi. Karena kalo ngeliat temen2 yang laen kok mereka tambah mesra, even in LD sekalipun then kenapa kita engga, hehehe, I dunno, tapi yah uda jadi, uda lewat, dan kayaknya ga bakal terulang lagi. I remember other says that the distance is to prove how far ur love can go, another says that the power of love conquers everything. Jadi ya sekarang gw ambil kesimpulan kalo kekuatan cinta gw ama dia kurang kuat deh buat ujian ini hehe. Yasudalah begitu saja. Lewatin aja.
Ntar lagi valentine, pengen deh nyiapin yg khusus, tapi kayaknya taon depan lagi baru bisa ngasih. Oh ya lagian imlek tgl 14 denk, bisa ngumpul2 ma sodara2. Dan bulan maret.. pendaftaran SOT uda dibuka donnkkkk,,duh pengennyaaa, tapi sekarang malah jadi agak males balik sg. Makanya ntar mau maen2 ke jakarta aja dan mudah2an bisa nyampe KL yah kalo dikasih waktu lebih panjang lagi ama papa buat liburan *swt* Lagian emang disini belom bisa ditinggal lama2. Susah juga sih. Trus April Mei Juni, ga tau ga ada rencana, mau nyari kursus aja biar ga suntuk (amiiin) trus mau apply kuliah aja disini dan ato kalo bisa keluar lagi. Kali bulan segitu uda bisa ditinggal yang disini hehehe (amiinn deh) ada yang ngajakin ke jkt, ada yang manggil balik sg, ada yang minta ke oz, ada juga blg ke cina..huaaa gw pengen semuanya ehehe tapi tergantung sikon deh sama apa maunya Tuhan. Selama gw mampu, dan pastinya dan harusnya gw mampu. Haha, jujur kalo sekarang gw uda ngerasa ga mampu, pertama kalinya disakitin kayak gini, beneran ini pukulan berat, tapi in fact, masih bisa senyum juga ternyata :) Dia uda ngirimin orang2 yang tepat buat ngibur, Dia uda ngasih kesempatan yg indah buat gw, tinggal tergantung gw nya mau enjoy apa engga (kayak cerita nafa urbach gitu deh hehe XD) yah bisa dikata sekarang luka masih basah, tapi pasti ntar kering juga kok dan sembuh. Hehe pastinya. dan gw punya Yesus as back up. Pasti bisa :)

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When I feel a part of me is gone, another has found a new part. When I still keep the memory, another has started a new story. When I try to support, another try to kill. When I still missing, another is having. When I try not to show, another on purpose show it to me. I really can't fight this, I am so hurt. Why does somebody keep doing this to me? But now I have no longer right to speak. So I wish not to see anymore. I wish this is the really good bye, I was keeping the hope but another cuts it away, and my best-wishes that everyone will have a happy life very soon.
This is the way of people, lots of way, to forget, to have a happy life, to move on.
And every people has their time. Maybe my time has not come yet. I choose not to see, I refuge to know that world. Let me live in my world.

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Tadinya, karna alesan konyol aneh gw, masuk taon 2010 agak agak ga semangat gitu, I didn't feel something much about to change in my life. But then, tutup taon aja I start feel the excitement. Oh man, now, I am really excited for 2010!
After all I've been through on 2009, can I say that I am stronger? yes I am :)
Here I share some thoughts,
bahwa ketika kita masuk taon yang baru, semua orang tanpa terkecuali, harusnya sih punya something new that have to change or developed. Emang sih, walopun ada yang ngeles like, "ah lebai, taon baru yang beda juga cuman taonya doank, more than it rasanya biasa aja, tetep aja sama." yah memang sih dipikir pun emang sama, tapi apa mau kita tetep sama kayak kemaren2? minimal, mumpung ini ada momentnya, kenapa enggak gitu lho kalo emang mau berubah. Yang sebenernya teorinya tuh, tiap hari juga is a brand new day to start new, tapi karena kurang momentnya aja jadi rasanya belom mau. Kan?
Me myself personally, feel different sih, mungkin ini efek ketika lingkungan hidup and ur life style (mau ga mau) juga berubah. But thank God, itu banyak ke positif nya sih.
My friend once ever told me, it's his opinion about me (sori bukan mo pamer, ini sharing) "lu childish, tapi lu dewasa" lah?apa maksud coba?tapi, without pura2 bego, gw ngerti sih maksudnya. In the other side, gw emang childish, I don't like a complicated thing to be thought and jujur, gw gampang percaya ama orang, masih polos and pure, and I didn't know that until I arrived here (my hometown). Ternyata jadi orang baik aja ga cukup, jadi orang polos tidak menguntungkan. Walopun kata temen gw itu, "tapi itu jadi daya tarik lu" hmm, unfortunately, I don't think so. Mungkin iya, jadi daya tarik, daya tarik orang buat dimanfaatkan gitu? ga mau lah ya kalo kebaikan kita di sia-siain. So, I push my self to understand, deeper about a human thought in this daily life. This is I called, and I believe, the process to be mature. The nature will press ur self automatically change ur mind set from the stage of innocent up to the better one. Dan skarang gw nyadar, polos tuh means kepala kita kurang ada isinya. Tapi ketika kita uda mulai belajar tentang hidup, and u start to know the truth of this life, uda mulai tau dan ada pengalaman. Eit, gw kepanjangan sharing nih.
Yah intinya sih, di taon baru ini, apapun itu, gw mau berubah. Kenapa gw tiba-tiba ngomong begini, mungkin karena itu lah, taon baru, umur udah nambah, tanggung jawab terhadap diri sendiri itu makin ada dong harusnya. Memang iya, ampe taon lalu, gw masih bisa bangun jem 12 siang, bobonya jem 5 subuh. Dan mungkin iya, itu karena ampe tengah taon lalu gw masih student, jadi bisa kayak gitu. But I believe to my self, mau skarang masih skolah pun ato engga, pikiran gw pasti ampe kesini kok. Dari masih di singapore aja gw uda niat, blom keterusan sih, ampe akhirnya disini. Lumayan nunjang soalnya dengan kewajiban disini. Yah, itu cuma contoh kecil. Tapi, kenapa engga kita mulai dari diri sendiri, iya ga? toh akhir2annya kita juga yang untung.
In conclusion, ngutip kata2 nya ps Tan, we have to set a SMARTER goals, which are must be: specific, measurable, action plan, realistic, time conscious, expectation management/plan B, revelation.
Let's live a better life yuks from now onwards, to make a better future of cos :)))

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I did not mean to under estimating some people. Actually I am seriously sad. Now I'm still sad and I thank God cos there are a lot things could cheer me up. But, let me straight something. That a broken-hearted girl is so hard to start new very soon.
Don't stay with me if u hope for something more. Cos it could stressed me out even more. I do feel alone, I need a companionship, and without granted.
I don't feel any pride, if every day, every night I got any good morning and nights texts on my phone, or a call just to check me out every single minute. I do appreciate it, but nothing more than it I could ever give. Maybe not now, but still look up for tomorrow. Besides, there are many not any out there. I'm still searching for the best :)

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It was tragically sad to know there is an end in front of u, while the other seems like have no end. I'm telling u a story that has just end. In the other side, in my case, without that end u may not moving through. Believe me that is the way to move forward. And to be honest, I'm really sad. I just have no choice. Listen guys, I'm talking about an end that must be done. But the worst part is, when u see that another party cut that end to a new brand start. While u urself, stuck and did not do anything. Haha. Confused? Don't worry. Today I'm a bit random, when I am emotionally stressed. But anyway, out of my stressed, that, outside so many chance to start new, was just I don't think so. It's even getting complicated when u realize that somebody got stuck on u just because u try to be nice to them. It is tiring and boring and disturbing when u have to face their wrong respond to u. I wish I could say thank you for the effort to cheer me up, unfortunately it did not work at all, but, oppositely.
Fellaz.. I'm now under hopelessness actually, but it could be beaten by your busyness and fruitfulness day. However, this is what I want since first I thought. So.. after finally it could be done, just get the beat and move forward. Stay focused! I believe there are so good so nice story in my days. Thanks for reading this no point written. Hopefully u understand, that I've just gave up on my relationship. It will last forever, here in my memory :)
Thank You Lord!

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I know what my heart wants, I know where it goes. I am ready, seriously.

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